


Safe

by tothestarswholisten



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28267800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothestarswholisten/pseuds/tothestarswholisten
Summary: In honor of the book drop in February I'm writing my own spin on Cassian and Nesta's story.It's been nearly a year since the King was defeated and Feyre wants everyone home for Solstice. Problem is, nobody has seen Nesta in months. Cassian sets out to find her.Disclaimer: I don't own A Court of Thorns and RosesThis story was prompted by my best friend with a prompt she wrote up, I'm borrowing the prompt and making it work
Relationships: Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

Cassian stood staring a hole into Rhysand's office floor. Hardwood, per Feyre's design plans. He had never found the pattern so fascinating before, until today.

Rhysand had asked him in to talk, and that never happened. Cassian figured something was wrong.

"Feyre wants the family together for Solstice." 

Cassian's eyes snapped to his brother's. 

"I don't know where she is. I haven't been able to find her. Feyre's tried and nothing. Even Az tried, he can't get a reading."

"What makes you think I of all people can find her?"

Rhysand smiled sadly. "You want it most of all."

Cassian visibly flinched at the words. He hardly registered Rhys dismissing him from the room. Didn't pay any attention to the youngest sister playing Mor's grand piano. 

It had been almost a year since the defeat of the King. Nesta disappeared about a month and a half after things settled down. Disappeared was probably the wrong word. Cassian wasn't stupid. Gone off the grid fit better. He knew Azriel was always keeping tabs on her, of the bar fights she was in.

Even the great shadowsinger had come to Cassian after three months and admitted he couldn't concretely find Nesta. That the best he had were her last knowns and even those were hours if not days old.

What would he say to her if he found her? What would she say to him? Was there anything to be said at all?

Cassian left the house and started his way to the apartment on the other side of town that Nesta insisted on living in. It was rundown, in the bad side of town, if Velaris even had a bad side, and it was empty.

He knew Nesta was struggling. She never wanted to be Fae and now she was immortal. That last day on the battlefield was also weighing on him, had been since that night. He wondered if and how it weighed on her.

How in the final moments of battle Nesta lay her body across Cassian, ready to die with him. The King didn't care that she was there, never even flinched as he was about to deliver the killing blow. That is until Elain slaughtered him with a blow from Truth Teller.

The pair didn't talk after the battle was done. Nesta slipped her mask back in place moments before Rhysand had come down with the Illyrian warriors and taken Cassian to be healed. He knew though. He knew what he saw in her eyes and the words he heard.

Stretching his wings out he took a deep breath of air before he soared into the sky. His wings had healed better than he had hoped and he cherished the days he was able to flit through the sky unseen.

He got to her apartment in no time at all. He opened the door and found absolutely no current trace of Nesta. Her last scent told him she'd been here about a week ago, and that she didn't stay long.

His next stop was the closest tavern in hopes that a bar keep may have seen her. When he questioned the bartender the old Fae chuckled and said that he had not seen Nesta in a while. That she only came here to eat, never drink. She thought the tavern didn't have the type of company that suited her. When questioned on what company that be, the old Fae just shrugged and pointed him off in another direction.

It took Cassian two days before getting a concrete lead on his.. on Nesta. One of the eight taverns he tried a patron overheard his questions and told him Nesta could be found likely at the abandoned train station at the edge of town.

After further inquiry Cassian had come to find out that Nesta was challenging men two sometimes three times her size in bar fights. Pick pocketing them, getting caught and destroying the bar in the process. She always walked away, the patron had said. He thought it was amazing at her untrained abilities.

Cassian opened up his wings once more and flexed. "I'm going to find you Nesta, and I'm going to set things right."


	2. Chapter 2

A rhythmic punching could be heard as Cassian landed a few miles away from the train station. He preferred to travel on foot, that way he couldn't spook Nesta. 

Cassian slowly, deliberately walks the steps of the dilapidated building. Why had she come here of all places? 

He rounds a corner and he finds her, throwing blow after blow at a punching bag. He walks towards her, knowing that she knows he's there. Watching her. He sucks in a deep breath and she turns at the sound, teeth barred, ready to fight.

Her foot collides with his chest making him stumble a step. 

His recovery is quick. He takes up a defensive stance; ready if she wants -needs- to hit him again. "You're okay."

It takes her a moment to process what he just said. Not that he is okay but that she is. And she is. This place was safe for many reasons. If she needed to she could take out years of frustration and guilt and pain on him. He would not flinch away from it. 

So she does just that.

He takes every punch. Every kick. A few scratches from her nails. He doesnt fight back and only dodges or catches her attacks enough to keep himself from injury. 

It could've been hours. It could've been less than five minutes. When she stumbles backwards, away from him. Away from the pain of her past. 

He nods at her relaxing his stance. Eyes darting over her shoulder, surveying how safe they were out in the open.

"I need air," she squeaks and with a wave of her hand she teleports herself away.

Cassian blew out a breath of air he'd been holding. He had a variety of questions. The first being, how in the Hell was Nesta able to disappear like that? The second, where would she go now?

Cassian felt a tug on his heart strings that he hadn't felt since that day on the battlefield. He summoned his wings once more and followed where the tug was leading him. He had hoped it take him straight to Nesta.

The strange pull of his heart led him to an underground cavern deep in the mountains of Velaris. He could sense rather than see Nesta's presence here. Once again he could hear the thrum of a punching bag, the vibrations of feet hitting the ground. Overlooking a small pool of water, he had found Nesta.

The woman had made herself a training course within the mountains itself. Various rocks of all shapes and sizes littered the cave floor. Cassian wasn't sure how, but Nesta managed to rig a makeshift punching bag in the center of the floor, or close to it.

Taking the view in Cassian noticed just how much pain Nesta seemed to wear on her face. And how thin she looked despite clearly being able to fight her way out of twenty four bar fights this week alone.

As if hearing his thoughts Nesta's head snapped in his direction and she let out a stream of snarls that would be deadly even if she wasn't Fae.

"Nesta please, I'm not here to fight with you." Cassian shouted down to her. He lept to the floor and raised his hands in surrender, slowly advancing on her.

"I don't want you here," she growled, "I don't want you near me."

"I just want to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about. I have nothing to say you."

"You told me you loved me," Cassian said quietly, "you looked into my eyes and told me you loved me. We kissed. There's plenty to talk about."

Nesta growled low and slow, challenging Cassian. She didn't need this distraction right now. She was getting off schedule, and she couldn't have that. With a wave of her hand she once again disappeared in an instant, leaving Cassian behind.

She was walking down the artists part of town where Feyre's shop was. She knew she couldn't linger, that the insufferable bat would track her somehow. Going behind the building she opened a window and left her birthday gift for Feyre in what she assumed was the office. Sighing, she closed the window and set out to find a drink.

Roaming the town Nesta found a few promising places to go for a drink, but she hadn't found anyone to fight yet and she was becoming irate.

Her schedule was rigid, taxing. Get up at seven in the morning, small muffin, a shower. Next was a five mile run and three hours in the train station, followed by a salad for lunch and another three hours this time in the cave. She'd shower again and if need be do laundry. She allowed herself an hour of time to run errands then it was time to get ready for a fight. She never had anyone in mind, she just always wanted someone bigger than her.

How dare Cassian demand to speak to her, who did he think he was? Just because he was a part of the inner circle Cassian thought he had some sort of power. As if. Nesta was far deadlier than that bat would ever hope to be.

As she walked into the next bar she could hear a few men in the back, they were shooting darts and chugging beers. Nesta smiled to herself, this would be fun.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Thank you for the support for this story. I'm taking requests for the next person Nesta fights. 
> 
> Please leave ideas in the comments!

Cassian found her after an hour of searching. This time, his heart strings didn't lead him to Nesta. After thinking about what he had seen of Nesta as Fae and what he knew of her time alone, he figured she'd need to blow off some steam. Three men had been talking angrily about a female who had flirted her way into their game and hustled them. Only to turn around and beat them near bloody.

Cassian wasn't sure if he should be in awe of Nesta or afraid of her. If the way she had fought him at the train station was an indicator, it was the latter. The woman was deadly, immortal or not. 

When he caught her scent after surveying the bar for damages he soared through the skies faster than before his wings were damaged. He had found her sitting against rocks leading to an underground waterfall.

"Do you have a thing for caves and water or something?"

Nesta chuckled. "They make excellent battlefield training courses. The terrain is always changing depending on the season." 

Cassian nodded thoughtfully, "I give you that," he coughed, "Feyre wants you home for Solstice."

"You can tell Feyre that I don't have a home. Not anymore. And to please stop trying to find me."

"Listen Nesta, I've busted my ass trying to find you. You're not just hurting Feyre, what about Elain?" Cassian had watched the woman flinch at the mention of Elain. "Come and see them, at least for Solstice. It'll do the three of you good."

Nesta turned to Cassian and considered him for longer than either thought possible. Finally, she sighed and looked him in the eye, "I will come back for Solstice. That's two days time. I will come to the townhouse the morning of Solstice and stay until the late evening. Until then I am going to continue my schedule. Take it or leave it."

Before Cassian could respond to Nesta she waved her hand and vanished, leaving the man to ponder her offer.

He flew back to the townhouse as soon as he could think again. Finding Feyre and in hushed words explaining what her sister said. Feyre was surprised Nesta agreed to come at all, so she wasn't about to refuse the offer. She couldn't do that to Elain.

Cassian continued to think about what Nesta was doing to herself. Her sunken in face, the haunted look in her eyes, the fact that she started fights with people bigger than her. Nesta was full of self sabotage.

He knew what his soldiers looked like after war, after struggling with PTSD. He had never wanted it to happen to Nesta, yet he wasn't surprised it had. He had thought of her offer, to come for the day but be left alone otherwise. He hated following her wishes, but feared if he didn't she wouldn't show.

Cassian spent the next two days in the training ring Feyre had designed for the two to practice in. He spent his time thinking and sapping any energy from his body.

Two days later when Nesta had knocked on the townhouse door it was he who answered the door. She was in a lovely mint green dress, wrapped up in what almost looked like Illyrain leathers.

"I brought a bottle of wine," Nesta said as a way of greeting Cassian and walking into the house. "Have you seen-" Nesta was cut off by the screech heard not even ten feet away.

"Nesta!"

Elain came barreling towards her sister at full speed, actually moving Nesta back a few inches. Cassian saw the woman's features soften, as they always did where Elain was concerned. He chuckled at how strong the youngest of the sister's were, wondering if anyone else would have tried that, what Nesta would do.

Cassian came back to earth when the sisters parted and Elain started dragging Nesta deeper into the house to find Feyre. They had passed Amrem on the way in and Nesta handed over the bottle of wine to the smaller woman. Cassian tried objecting, but the daggers the woman gave him were enough for him to shut up.

The night started off better than Cassian had anticipated. Presents were exchanged and he even found Nesta smiling, and not solely because of Elain.

Dinner and dessert passed without incident and soon, the small group of eight were sitting by the fire drinking wine.

Elain was sandwiched between her sister's, nervously looking at the clock. Cassian noted the three sister's actually behaving as sister's for once, smiling at one another and laughing at each other's jokes.

Two hours had gone by and Elain was fast asleep on the couch against Azriel. The shadow singer looked every bit the sentry Nesta trusted him to be for her sister.

Nesta stood up from where she had somehow ended up next to Amrem. "I should get home and get some sleep too." 

Feyre stood and walked with her sister to the door, a sad smile on her face. "Is this how it's to be then? Only visiting on holidays?"

Nesta sighed. Feyre meant well, but she was ready for her life to change, Nesta wasn't. Before she could speak Cassian stepped between them and grabbed his jacket.

"I'm headed out too guys, I have some work to do in the mountains."

Feyre hugged her friend tightly telling him to be safe, oblivious to her sister slipping out the front door.

It took Cassian three minutes exactly to catch up to Nesta. "So what are your real plans tonight?"

"I told Feyre the truth, I'm going home to sleep."

Cassian walked in front of Nesta, arms out in surrender, "What do you say about coming to the training camp with me? I could use a females help with my female recruits."

Nesta studied Cassian. There was nothing but sincerity behind his words. "I'll come with you, but I want my pick of an opponent after I help your recruits."

Cassian inwardly smiled with joy. He smirked at Nesta, "Deal."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little longer than others, but I felt it necessary to try and show some of the subtly of the pair

Cassian and Nesta stood staring at one another, neither one knowing where to go next. Cassian broke the awkward silence, "If you don't need anything from your apartment we could leave now, get a good night's rest before I show you the recruits and you meet the camp leaders."

Nesta nodded her agreement and looked at the warrior in front of her. "How exactly am I getting to camp?"

Cassian smirked, "I'll be carrying you."

Nesta's eyes widened and she began protesting until Cassian cut her off, "I know you can fly. But I know where I'm going. You don't. Please just let me carry you. I want to get us to the mountains and get us both settled in and a few hours sleep before we start training."

Nesta sighed and nodded. Stepping closer to Cassian she allowed him to wrap his arms around her and pick her up. Without warning, the two soared into the air faster than Nesta had ever moved before.

They had been in the air for about fifteen minutes before Nesta asked Cassian about the camp.

"What do you want to know?"

"What will a schedule look like?"

Cassian considered her question. He wanted to keep Nesta busy, show her how to channel her anger but still take time for herself. "Breakfast, training, lunch, more training, chores, training, dinner and then we'll have the night to ourselves." 

"Where will I sleep?"

"You can take my room, I just have to change the sheets when we get there."

The pair flew in silence for another half an hour until they could see the tips of the mountains. When they landed, Nesta stepped away from Cassian, putting a solid five feet between them.

If it bothered Cassian, he didn't show it. He gestured for Nesta to follow him and the two started walking down the center of the camp. "My home is just half a mile up on the left. It's nothing glamorous; kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, small living room. I figured we could go there, shower, and I'll make up the bed so we could get some sleep."

"You sound sure of yourself." Nesta chuckled.

Cassian smirked at the woman, "I'll get past your armor one day Nesta."

Unlocking his front door Cassian gestured Nesta to enter. She looked around and soaked in the small house. He wasn't kidding when he said there wasn't much to it.

Cassian led her to the master bathroom, "I'll go get you some leathers while you shower. Feel free to dress in whatever I have in the drawers if you're done before I return."

"Where are you going to find leathers?"

"We have tailors here who always have leathers for training in stock. I'll get you some civilian clothes too."

Cassian showed Nesta how to work the shower and where the clothes were in the drawer and promised to be back soon. "I'm locking the front door, I'll announce myself when I come back so not to startle you. If there's any kind of disturbance or unwanted visitor that isn't me, I give you permission to defend this house as if it's your own."

"Meaning what?"

Cassian looked at Nesta before he walked out the front door, "You fight to kill."

**

Cassian trudged along to the camp training ring. He saw the men responsible for running the camp, Declan and Cairo. The two men made his life Hell as a child, but he held his dislike back. He had something to do first.

"Gentlemen." Cassian nodded.

The two men looked at Cassian with distaste but nodded out of politeness.

"I need someone tested for siphons."

Declan spoke first. "We don't just test anyone for siphons Cassian."

"Who do you want tested?" Cairo asked.

"Nesta Archeron."

The men gasped. "Cauldron above."

"Nesta will be here until further notice. She is helping me to train my female recruits. I want her strength tested and her fitted for siphons. She has the strength, I want to know just how much."

The two men stared at Cassian and debated arguing with his request before he spoke again, "If you refuse, I'll simply do it myself."

The men grumbled. "Bring her by the tower after dinner. We'll test her then." Declan finally said.

As Cassian made his way back to the house he thought about what he'd say to Nesta about the test. She wouldn't do this willingly. Or maybe she would. 

Unlocking the door he called out, "Nesta it's Cassian. I'm home and I have your leathers."

He heard no sound so he figured she'd fallen asleep. He decided to let her sleep while he showered in the guest bathroom. As the hot water washed over him he contemplated what the next few months would be like. He had been vague on the details of how long she'd be staying. Then again, she hadn't asked.

Nesta woke four hours later to the smell of food. It turned her stomach, she didn't eat much nowadays. An orange for breakfast was as much as she could handle. It smelt like Cassian had made enough for an army.

After stretching she walked into the kitchen to see Cassian making french toast. "So you cook too then?" she asked by way of greeting him, sitting at a bar stool and watching the warrior cook.

"You'll need your strength today. Breakfast in the mess hall starts at six for the recruits. Training starts promptly at seven." Cassian brought a bowl of fresh fruit to Nesta and set his own plate down. "I wasn't sure if you'd want french toast or not, so I have two slices made if you want them."

Nesta was quiet while she considered his words. "Thank you, but I'll have fruit for now."

The pair ate in silence until Cassian spoke. "Your leathers are on the arm of the couch, I got a few different styles, I also got you a few civilian clothes. There's something we should talk about.

"I want to have you tested for siphons." Cassian saw the confusion on her face and began to explain. "These gems I have on," he gestured to the seven rubies, "are called siphons. They help to channel my killing power. Extremely useful in combat, especially when your opponent doesn't know precisely how many you have. I believe that with the help of the siphons your powers will be regulated a bit more. My hope is the siphons will make what the Cauldron did to you not as severe."

"So you want to channel my power into these siphons, which while in combat help me regulate the power I unleash?"

"Precisely."

"When?"

"After dinner tonight. I have two requests though. The first, when you're with the recruits today don't hold back for them. They need to see that women have power, and that they can weild theirs."

"What's the second request?"

"When we test your power tonight, don't hold back. Let it all out. The men here, they'll take the fact you're a female at face value. They won't respect you nor will they support or help you in any manner. Show them your power," Cassian whispered to Nesta, "and let them drown in it."

Nesta shivered ever so slightly at Cassian's words.

"Go get dressed. We have recruits to go and meet."


	5. Chapter 5

The pair set off towards the pit as Cassian liked to call it. Nesta took in her surroundings, slightly uncomfortable in her training clothes. Cassian had promised they'd be more comfortable once she got used to them.

When the two got close enough Nesta could see a group of about ten females, all nervously talking to one another. All Illyrian with wings. They quieted as the two approached. He had told her the girls were nervous to be in the ring, but Rhysand had Cassian agreed that all able body Illyrian should learn to fight if they wanted.

The girls stood in a straight line, eyes focused in front of them. Cassian spoke and his voice seemed to echo off the mountains.

"Today class I have a treat for you. I have a guest instructor," Nesta raised her eyebrow at Cassian but he continued, "she will be leading your lessons from here on out. If you wish to spar with me please ask and I shall personally make time. This," Cassian gestured, "is Nesta.

Nesta squared her shoulders and walked a step ahead of where Cassian stood. "Listen up," Nesta's voice was like ice and she could visibly see some of the girls flinch. "My name is Nesta Archeron. I'm here to make you all into warriors. I'm going to train you mind and body to become a fighter. So if you can't handle that I suggest you leave now and not waste my time." None of the girls broke rank and Nesta smiled. "Good. Now show me what you can do. Match up and one take an offensive position the other defensive."

Cassian left Nesta to the recruits, promising that if he needed her he would know and go to her. He took off towards the direction of the tower, inspecting the weapons that were there lining the walls, the oval shape the ring had. He wondered if Nesta would blow the roof off the place.

He could feel the underlying magic that coursed through Nesta, even all this distance away from her. In the short time they had spent in the camp Cassian had grown a sense of Nesta's tells. He felt the uncertainty of when they were flying, even though her eyes seemed lost in deep contemplation. Noticed how while in the air she was rigid ten once on land relaxed.

No one had forced her here. Cassian had offered her a chance to help him, to make her a part of something. Though he had no idea if that's how she viewed it. She had never uttered her feelings about anything towards him. She was silent, deadly. So much like her magic, Cassian had to wonder if that's why she avoided seeing her sister's since the war ended. That she believed herself to be deadly.

After an hour of making sure everything was ready for her test Cassian made his way back to Nesta.

He wasn't surprised to find her in the center of the ring as the girls looked on. She had uncanny speed, he'd give her that. The way she threw hit after hit at the poor Illyrian male she had likely found and threatened to practice with. Getting a better look, he was utmost surprised to find Azriel on the receiving end of Nesta's pummeling.

He chuckled and Nesta turned as Azriel ducked out of the way of her latest punch. She barred her teeth to Cassian, making some of the girls who were watching take a step back.

"My turn yet sweetheart?" 

Nesta straightened and with a dip of her chin, Cassian stepped into the ring. Azriel gave him a thankful look.

That day in the train station was running through his mind, of how Nesta seemed to not need to stop. As though her energy reserves were in fact bottomless. He shook his head and grinned, stepping a few feet in front of Nesta.

"Let's play Nesta."

With those words Nesta launched herself at Cassian with everything she had. Cassian was quick but only just, as her hit had found his shoulder sending him stumbling.

He took up a defensive stance, figuring that was what Azriel had been told to demonstrate for the girls. He saw Nesta give the slightest nod in his direction, Cassian took it to mean that this was still a part of training for the girls.

Around the ring the two circled, two deadly beings waiting to rip the other to shreds. He wouldn't hurt Nesta, never intentionally at least. The day he confronted her about the moment they shared he felt rather than saw Nesta's fear. Of what it all meant to her.

Now, what Cassian hadn't noticed, was the strange silver smoke that enveloped Nesta's hands and had begun to travel up her arms.

When she abruptly vanished is when he finally realized something was very, very wrong.

He looked to Azriel but the shadowsinger had already started ushering the disbelieving girls away from the ring.

His eyes scanned the now empty training grounds for thoughts where Nesta might go. She didn't know Illyria, didn't know the kind of danger that awaited her should she end up somewhere she didn't belong.

He looked to the mountain peak and considered that she would go to the water there.

Cassian had found Nesta ten minutes later standing at the edge of the cliff, quietly overlooking the Illyrian camp.

"Do you think," Cassian said as he landed on the mountain peak a few feet away from Nesta, "that you could warn a guy when you're just going to take off like that?"

As he approached her Cassian could feel the fear radiating off her. He came to stand beside her and waited. 

"Why did you run again?"

Nesta for her part stayed silent. The only indication that she had even heard Cassian was the dip of her head. The silence between them unnaturally thick 

"I didn't want to hurt anyone." she whispered.

"Have there been other times when you were fighting that you thought you might hurt someone?"

Cassian had wondered if that's why she was in just so many bar fights. If that's why she had run from him that day in the train station.

Nesta's silence was all the answer Cassian had needed.

"Come with me." He took a step closer to Nesta and held out his hand.

Nesta turned to him, and her eyes were clouded yet empty at the same time. "Where?"

"I want you tested for siphons. Now, not tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who kiddos and comment!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello!
> 
> I just wanted to let everyone know that I will NOT be following the new book whatsoever

Nesta's eyes blinked rapidly. "I thought that wasn't until later?"

"I'm making it happen now. The siphons will help control the power." Cassian paused, wondering if perhaps his next words would push her over the edge but felt it necessary to say them. "You don't deserve to suffer."

Nesta stayed silent as she took Cassian's hand. A show of trust. That he wouldn't hurt her, that he cared. As Cassian brought Nesta close he thought about how the two of them had been here only a short while and already they'd come so far.

Landing outside the tower a few minutes later Cassian released his hold on Nesta. Again, she stepped away just out of reach. As the two walked inside Cassian had told Nesta a brief overview of the test. Finger prick, unleash her power, finger prick. Easy enough he'd promised Nesta.

Now as they entered a cave room littered with weapons and dummies everywhere Nesta felt her mist awaken from its slumber. Cassian had told her to fight and let them drown in it. 

As a mage stepped in front of her Nesta held out a hand and within moments her blood had been dropped into a vial. The man before her nodded and spoke, "You have ten minutes to physically exert yourself or expel your magic. After the ten minutes are up I'll take more blood, configure the two and from that I'll determine the number of siphons you need. They take two days time to make, so I'll send word for you to come when I finish them all."

Nesta thanked the man for explaining and dismissed him.

Once alone she felt the mist circling her hands, snaking its way up her arms. 

She felt her eyes go silver as her mind left Windhaven. Left every present thought she had.

That last day. He had sailed a ship into sure death to save them. He had named the vessel after her, trying in his last moments to show he loved her.

When his neck snapped so did her hold on the magic she took from the Cauldron. 

It lay dormant within her, tightly held back by how numb she kept herself since the ordeal. Starving herself until she was skin and bone.

Drinking herself into oblivion when she wasn't beating absolute strangers to a pulp. Fucking nameless males every night.

Yet now as the mist seemed to engulf her Nesta's power emerged.

Without warning, Nesta aimed at a far wall and blasted through rock. Cassian had been high in the air, watching and waiting. He needed to see her, know that she was okay. For a moment she seemed to be. She was just letting out her magic. That is until he noticed the blood.

Down down down Nesta had tunneled into herself. She felt the mist swarming around her, felt debris fly past her as she made her way through the rock. 

The further she got into the side of the mountain the more her magic released itself. Seemingly effortless that she was blasting through earth.

Never again would she lose another person that she loved. Never again would she be made to watch as someone threatened her family.

Family. She supposed she really didn't have one anymore. Both her sister's pushed at every chance they had. Never once considering she was staying away to protect them. Only putting herself in harm's way as to spare them. Amrem had been her only friend after she'd been Made, had accepted that she was now Other and embraced her. Yet even Amrem had abandoned her.

They would never understand, never grasp the truth as she had. She was alone, always had been and always would be.

Cassian had flown down to where Nesta had been standing before she turned her full attention on the assault of the wall. He had called out to her, willing her to come back to the present.

Nesta was so consumed by her magic that she didn't start to feel the life draining from her as she blasted through rock. Didn't feel her body start to sway as she let out a strangled scream.

When Nesta hit the ground and the mist faded it was strong arms that smelt like pine who had caught her as she fell. She wanted to open her eyes, wanted to glare at him, but she couldn't find enough strength in herself to be bothered to do so.

The world faded to black as she heard Cassian screaming her name.

**

Cassian paced the hall outside his room. He had called to Rhysand and let him know he needed to bring Madja immediately, that Nesta had collapsed.

Of course only when the pair arrived did he tell the whole truth to the healer and Rhys. That Nesta was using her magic and something happened. The healer entered the room and told both males to wait outside.

"You want to explain to me why exactly you were having Nesta fitted for siphons when she's not Illyrian?"

Cassian scowled at Rhysand as he paced. "I wanted to help her control her power."

"She needs to start training her magic."

Cassian nodded not really paying much attention to the High Lord. When Madja exited the room forty five minutes later she was scowling.

"Nesta is sleeping now. I have administered a tonic that will restore her energy. I will also leave a few vials behind to administer when she wakes. She nearly killed herself by expelling so much of her magic. I know she's Cauldron blessed and Made, but she is not invincible."

"It sounds like you have a theory Madja." Rhysand said thoughtfully.

The woman nodded. "In examining Nesta I discovered two things. The first being that she has magic unlike anything I've ever witnessed outside of the High Lord and Lady. Maybe even Lady Amrem. The second, is that it is simultaneously healing and death magic. Cassian, you said she was covered in a mist while using the magic?"

"Yes, she was covered from head to toe and the mist stayed around her like she willed it. Then she started blasting apart rock with it."

"Her magic is a force to be reckon with. The mist as you say is willed by her, that it has no control. While you're correct her hold on it is weak. If it's not honed into a skill the next time she exerts herself so much she very may take her own life with her magic on accident."

Rhysand spoke before Cassian could process the healers words. "Thank you Madja. If that's all I'll take you back to Velaris now."

The healer nodded and left the males to talk as she waited by the front door.

"I'll handle things Rhys."

"Feyre is going to want an update Cass, maybe even to come see Nesta."

"Hold her off until Nesta is awake and she and I talk."

Rhys nodded and went to join Madja. "Keep me updated."

**

Nesta woke up in a bed. That was her first realization. The second was that it was Cassian bed. The third was she was alone in it.

She looked around the room, never actually seeing it before now. A small desk sat in the corner with what looked like maps across it. She then turned her attention to Cassian awkwardly sleeping in its chair at the foot of the bed.

Trying and failing to stifle a snicker roused Cassian to wakefulness. "Glad to see you're awake Ness."

Scowling, Nesta made to get off the bed to head into the bathroom. That is until her vision blurred and her legs shook.

"Easy Ness, you've been through a lot." Cassian was beside her in an instant, helping her to sit back on the bed.

She bristled at the familiar touch and barred her teeth. "I need to go to the bathroom."

Cassian nodded at once and helped her to her feet. "I don't trust your balance. Let me help you in there and I'll wait out here until you're done, then we can talk."

After seeing to her needs Nesta walked out of the bathroom on unsteady legs and sat at the edge of the bed. She didn't see Cassian but just as she was about to stand he walked back in.

"Here," Cassian said as he handed Nesta a glass. "This is a tonic to restore your energy. Drink."

Nesta took the glass but didn't take a sip. "What happened, why do I need this?" 

"What do you remember?"

"I remember going to the tower, having my finger pricked and waking up in your bed. I'll ask again, what happened?"

"A mist crept up your arms, I assumed it's how you were releasing your magic. You blasted through solid rock. A few thousand feet of it, bit by bit. I had been above you a few hundred feet, just watching to see what your magic could do. I saw your nose start to bleed and then the mist engulfed you like a flame. I tried calling to you, then you collapsed."

"That doesn't explain why I'm in your bed."

Cassian inwardly gaped. Did she think him so cruel he'd just leave her there?

"I brought you back here, called Rhysand to bring Madja. She healed you, said to take the tonic when you finally woke up. It's been twelve hours since it happened."

Nesta took a sip from her tonic. "Is there anything else I should be aware of?"

Cassian didn't want to tell her this. Didn't want to put the thought in her head especially while she was struggling. But he did it anyway. "You almost died. You exerted too much of your magic and it almost killed you."

"I see."

Cassian heart broke at the dejection in Nesta's voice. "Nesta.."

"I'd like to rest. Please go."

Cassian sighed and left Nesta in his room, thankful that as he left she took another sip of the tonic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!
> 
> I hope everyone got to read the new book!
> 
> Please let me know what you think of this chapter

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! I hope everyone is excited for the holidays as am I, and the book drop in February. 
> 
> I hope you like this first installment and you leave reviews!


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